Monday, June 3, 2013

Laying SO Low

So... in light of attacking a cop and stealing the rakeling he was about to execute for our own gains, not to mention Fracture's threat a few posts back, we decided we should probably lay low.

We had attracted too much heat! MUCH TOO MUCH heat.

So we kept hidden. I spoon fed MISTER MONSTER MAN to keep him alive since we had to keep him blindfolded and bound and we lived off of what was left of our canned goods for a while.

But apparently that wasn't good enough for mister monster man. Being the rakeling that he is, HE NEEDS MEAT. And not only does he need meat, he NEEDS TO HUNT AND KILL HIS MEAT. Eat it raw. STRIP THE BONE.

Problem was, as long as we had had him bound like that, he was likely to RIP THE FLESH FROM OUR BONES as soon as we let him go. Couldn't have that. I like my flesh. I prefer to keep it attached to my bones y'know? FEELS COMFORTABLE. It's fashionable too. All the still alive people are doing it!

So we dumped him in a trunk and carried him off to the woods when it was good and dark out. I watched him RUN DOWN SOME SQUIRRELS like the monster he is. I was kind of amazing to watch.

He would start on two legs, and then drop to all fours. And when he dropped to all fours like that he started lifting off with his over sized mutated arm to gain speed. Apparently that arms is stronger than his other arm or even his legs. But he only has one over sized arm so every time he does that he pulls to the left.

Let me tell you now, there is NOTHING funnier than watching a funky looking dog man plow into a tree while chasing a squirrel. Like OH MY FUCKING GOD, I fell over and I couldn't stop laughing. It was fucking ridiculous and THAT LOOK on his face. Priceless. Absolutely priceless.

"Hey, dog breath."

He groaned loudly. "What?"

"I can tell you're tired of my SHITTY nicknames for you... whats your name?"

"My name huh?"

"Uh, YEAH, your name."

"I'm Hellion Rick."

"Uh, NO YOUR NOT."

"... What do you mean, no I'm not. That my name."

"Said the man with a face COATED in blood and fur. That who you were! Who are you now? Don't tell me you don't have some cool alias or some poser wanna be short hand to call yourself by."

"No... wait, is Picasso not your real name?"

"I... what? No. GOD NO. That's... that's a fucking boys name. Are you fucking retarded?"

"... You can never tell nowadays... people name their children weird shit."

"Right... well I'm not calling you that. You HAVE to have a cool name thingy! To protect your identity. Otherwise the Joker and Two-Face are gonna hurt your loved ones!"

"I... wait, what? What the fuck is wrong with you girl? And, what's wrong with Hellion? Hellion not 'cool' enough for you somehow?"

"Well. NO! Its your real name. Has to be a fake one! New life, new you, NEW NAME! So from now on... I name you Helrick!"

"... That's like... that practically is just my name."

"Only it isn't! SO YOU'LL BE SAFE!"

"... Yeah... sure. Whatever."

And after that he went back to hunting squirrels. And also brought down a wolf. Stupid wolf. WHERE IS YOUR PACT NOW LUPIN?!

We were all set to tie him up and dump him back in the trunk when he had an idea of his own. He had me fetch him a hat, an eye patch, and a sling. And then I watched as he used these items to make his deformities COMPLETELY DISAPPEAR!

The hat covered the GROSS SCARRING across his scalp and the bolding that the scars had inflicted, the eye patch hid his discolored red eye, and the sling hid his GROSS OVER SIZED ARM thingy.

I even used some make up to help dress up the scars on his face!

When we were done, he looked DAMN NEAR presentable. Cute even. Somehow... looked MORE Scottish  Think it was the eye patch. That's a Scottish thing right?

Anyhow, with his disguise BEAUTIFULLY and MASTERFULLY done,  all we had to do was walk back into town without drawing too much attention to ourselves.

Easily done. More or less. Might have started SCREAMING profanities at Moth half way home but we made it home and no ones at our doorstep banging down the door yet, so I think we're in the clear!

Picasso Entry End.

5 comments:

  1. If an eyepatch makes you Scottish, I should probably get into more bar brawls.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hellion sounds more like something you'd name a mech, so yeah, sorry Helrick but I'm on Picasso's side.

    ReplyDelete
  3. A WOLF?! HE TOOK DOWN A WOLF?!

    ...Scuse me, Imma go get my shotgun. No one, I mean NO ONE, kills wolves. WOLVES ARE FRIENDS, GODDAMMIT!

    HELRICK! STOP KILLING WOLVES!

    -Briar

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Helrick, Apparently.June 8, 2013 at 1:08 AM

      Fuck you. They're delicious and a fun fight.

      I like the way they whimper and thrush when they bleed out.

      Delete

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