Never Not Slicer

Because his name wasn't Slypher.

Which makes sense in hindsight. What the fuck even is a Slypher? Sneaky fuzz?

... Where would it even try to sneak into?

Hmmm... I got it. It's a parasite. Hides on animals and pretends to be fur. Sly indeed.

Navi here, by the way.

I have quite a bit to report. All that fuzz was just the tip of the iceberg! Fuzzy ice!




First off!

We found April's tormentor. Or uh... well he found her. April and Picasso were reportedly out shopping for food when Slicer ran out of an alley and sucker punched Picasso and ran off with April. I have been assured several times that that is exactly how it happened. Picasso at no point left April unattended. She will not stop stressing that the me in texts... and notes... she wrote it in blood on my pillow for some reason. Very well drawn mind you. My cursive will never be that good...

After April was taken, Picasso called Aprils phone I guess. Apparently Slicer, again that's the proxy that's been trying to tormenting her, tried to pass off the situation as being her boyfriend.

Now personally, I would have been conflicted if I had been the one to have heard that. Because April says a lot of shit and maybe 10% of it is true and I'm never sure which 10% it is. I would not put it past her to decide her boyfriend was a proxy one day out of the blue. For all I know at this point, shes not even a real runner. We have not seen the Master once in all this time.

Furthermore, the boyfriend thing doesn't make one bit of fucking sense as to why he would sucker punch Picasso and steal April but whatever. Clearly that 'so totally happened'.

Hold on.... Mask face. Picasso's note here says it makes sense because she has pieces of mask seared to her face and looks scary. Why not. We're just gonna move on.

So after the call, Picasso came back to the room and used the computer to track the GPS on April's computer. We have it turned on for just such an occasion as this. April does, after all, have a nasty habit of trying to wander off without saying anything to either of us so this was kind of a no brainier.

And then from there me and her watched and waited until the cell stopped moving roughly 30 minutes later.

Picasso's plan was simple. 'Path' in and save April, I uh, was not on board. I don't care to go to that horrible baby infested landscape if I can help it. Picasso was quick to rip an entrance into existence for us and drag me through before I got the chance to book it out of there.

I could probably stand those trips if it wasn't for all the slimy little hands.... ew... feel like I might just vomit thinking about it.

I'm not exactly sure what happened when we arrived. I uh... may have flopped to the floor and assumed the fetal position. I can admit that because I'm not a petty mask faced child. When I had finally collected myself and pulled myself to my feet April was tied to a bed and some guy (Slicer) was on the floor with his hands tied behind his back with his nose magically squeezing itself down into an unnatural position.

I found out later that Picasso had broken Slicer's nose and was holding it for him after she knocked his ass over and tied him up.

I got up and let April free. She had several new cuts down her arms. Cuts that had already been sticked back closed because for whatever reason that's how Slicer tortures. He cuts you up and then he sews you back up. Never seen that before. Its weird.

She seemed so fucking happy to see us. Not because we had saved her, mind you. But because now would could finally meet Slicer and help him overcome his sadness. Because clearly that's why we're here.

We uh,... proceeded to immediately fail at doing that. Kind of glad we didn't try. Picasso's concept on happiness is very... carnal. I think that's the word. No, whatever it was she was doing instead of trying to do that, it was scaring the shit out of poor Slicer. He looked about ready to crap his pants.

I don't know what questions she asked but I know what the answers were.

(It's worth putting in a quick reminder here that I can't see or hear Picasso... important details.)

Slicer definitely does not operate alone. He admitted he was part of a cell and that his cell alone had as many as 15 people and that his boss, 'the Duke', has many cells in most of the neighboring cities. We probably could have taken a small little proxy cell on our own but not an entire little division of many cells. I was under the impression that independent cells like that (I hear we're calling those 'fallen' cells?) should be nowhere near that powerful so that was pretty concerning.

Rather than deal with that problem right now, since that's not what we're here for, Picasso apparently decided it would be best if we just fucking booked it as far away as we could in one night. Which made sense. 'The Dukes' influence couldn't possibly extend much further than a few cities.

So we gathered our things and took our car and drove all night. April spent a lot of that night pestering the shit out of Slicer trying to figure out what makes him happy. She actually managed to wear him down. The torturous little nerd likes rubix cubes. I'm told those are something like a puzzle box, only color based.

We probably should have just killed Slicer and been done with him... or since we're not allowed to kill just dumped him on Fracture/the Free Market to be hollowed and put in storage. But April has an awkward hard on for the guy. I don't know why but she really wants to make him be happy.

Picasso says we need to do whatever we can to help April so... I guess we're gonna try to help her. It all sounds kind of stupid to me though. I mean, I can see wanting to make your friends and family happy. But the guy who shows up out of the blue to kidnap and torture you? Fuck that guy. Seriously.

But what do I know right?

Navi out.

You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile!

Or a dress made out of rainbows! Which is what I'm wearing now. Navi says I have to change clothes eventually, but I'm not sure I can stand to live NOT in this dress anymore!

IT'S SO COLORFUL!

Anyway, I had just a wonderful day yesterday! I had to share it with you.
I have a very busy lifestyle you know. I have to hold down my very important job, people are depending on me. Plus my surprise visits with Slypher which I don't get to plan and always tend to take forever! I tell you, torture is hell on the schedule! ^_^

Well, I haven't seen Slypher since the girls showed up, but the time I spent with him is spent hanging out with them now. The point is, I don't have much free time to myself, but I always find time to do something for the children. I love kids! I've never had any myself, but they're soooo cute!

So I always find the time to sing on street corners. All the happy classics! Never fully dressed without a smile, Spread a little sunshine, What a wonderful kind of day, that kind of thing! It's worth it to see those kids smile. Some even come back to see me again and again. I'm kinda like a local legend. The girl who sings outside the courthouse!

So I brought Piccolo with me this time, having brought Navi along when Piccolo was off shattering. But when we got there she made some kind of big fuss about it!

(Now guys, don't tell Picasso I said this but I think that she was just jealous of the kids that they got to hear me sing and tried to keep me for herself. Isn't that adorable of her? She's so cute!)

So I humored her. I could tell me singing only for her and Navi would really make her happy and I live to please! She gave some silly made up reason for it like the Motel 6 we were at being safer since Slypher didn't know I was there rather than being out in the open following my regular patterns.

Whatever you say, Picasso. *wink*

So on the way home we went shopping for singing costumes and Piccolo bought me the most beautiful rainbow colored dress! If you are reading this Monsieur Fracture, then I would like you to know that I rate your employees at full stars! Plus they're both lovely singers. We had a wonderful concert!

I even got flowers! It's nice to have fans! It was such a nice evening. Having friends around is the best.

Though in the whirl of it all I never got to explain to Picasso why it is I love my street concerts so much.

When I was a kid, my mom was a stay at home mom. She had a job, but it was on the computer. Something that had to do with being on the phone a lot. She would sing to herself as she worked. She had just an awful awful voice, but my sister and I loved to listen to her. One day, the three of us were home. I don't remember what I was doing, playing or something, but I remember hearing my mom singing in the other room. That was when we heard a strange noise from downstairs, our door bursting open and heavy footsteps. My mom gathered my sister and I together and we all huddled in a corner and she sang to us softly to keep us calm. When the burglar came to the room we saw he had a gun and he and my mother locked eyes and everything stopped for a second. Then my mom just continued singing.

And that burglar he dropped his gun fell to his knees and cried. I stood up, and my sister did too, and we joined in singing and he knew the words and he sang and took off his ski mask and smiled. Really really smiled. It was the most beautiful moment of his life, he said. It was the magic of music! The magic of singing and the magic of smiles.

And now, a list of things to be happy about today!

• Everyone has a song in their hearts!

• Our room number is 14 and that's my lucky number!

• Have you thought recently about sleep? It's magnificent! Continue to enjoy it!

• Planet of the Apes is an amazing movie!

• No matter how alone you feel, there is someone who believes you and believes in you!

• There are so many colors! And they can be made into dresses!

• There is a countless number of people in the world to make friends with!

And you are the most beautiful person I have yet to meet.

Smile!

Love, 
A-P-R-I-L-!

Showers to Flowers!

Hi!!!!!

Hm. That may not be enough exclamation points. Lemme try again.

HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do exclamation points make you feel all shiny and happy inside? They do for me!

My name is April! I think Piccolo already introduced me to you, but I figured I ought to do it myself! I'm not really familiar with computers much but she showed me this blog thing that apparently is really cool so I figured I would join in! I'm not one to miss out on cool things. Plus the fact that she asked me to make a post, so it would be silly of me to refuse such a request!

Since this is an introduction post, I figure that I should tell you all a little bit about me. I like the color green and singing! I like smiling and mist and the game Sorry! I like Disney movies! I like Navi and Piccolo too, they're both really nice, coming to help me out just because I sent in an email. Isn't that really kind of them?

We've been hanging out, it's great to have some company. Especially the company of two such pretty young girls. Did you know that Navi can't see Picasso? It leads to some confusing situations. That's why it's so heartwarming that despite all adversity they still are best friends. It's like a Hallmark movie! Star crossed friends! I'm super happy to have gotten to meet such interesting people. We played truth or dare! And watched a movie! And hair braiding! It's basically the best sleepover ever, every day.

Sometimes, people think I'm silly for seeing only the happiest parts of life. I say it's scientifically PROVEN to be awesome. You can trust me, I'm a doctor.

So in that vein I offer to anyone reading this who might be sad, a list of things to be happy about today!

• It's sunny!
• You can get pizza at any time of night!
• It was Christmas recently!
• It's almost a new year!
• Gummy bears are delicious!
• Navi and Picasso are great friends!
• Picasso got to see her love!
• Navi sings!
• Dancing exists!
• There are an infinite number of people in the world to make friends with!

And you are the most beautiful person I have yet to meet.

Smile!

Love,

A-P-R-I-L-!

So... April

The shattering went well. Kind of. I don't want to get into it. It was Moth's special little event thing so I'll let him talk about it and throw in a link here when he can finally be fucking bothered to post. Be seeing as hes procrastinating like fucking crazy I'll share this to tie any curious souls over.

Moth's mask was shattered, the ritual was completed, hes allowed to talk now, and I'm gonna kill the fuck out of that snide asshole Maggot for trying to beat Moth to death with his Mask!

Satisfied?! Good.

Lets talk about work.

So we met April. That was weird. Shes really weird.

I sent Navi to the fire escape window for the apartment address April provided when she made her request for help. I stood outside the apartment room's door.

The plan was simple. Navi was gonna get 'April's' attention by knocking on the window and if things went south I was listening in from the door to kick it in and assist if it proved necessary. Navi had instructions to make lots of noise in case of such an emergency. We were ready to kill the shit out of any hostiles that came at us.

What we got instead was a smiling freak. April apparently let Navi in. And after some amount of muffled talking I could barely make, Navi let April know where I was so she could let me in. This pretty little Asian lady with the biggest stupidest fucking grin you could ever imagine in her late 20s.

She offered us sodas, and called us pretty, and started playing twenty questions with us. All huge red flags. April was being painfully too nice and too generous. Especially for a runner. It was suspicious as shit. Especially in light of her fancy fucking. So few runners get away with such grand accommodation and living conditions. It didn't seem like she needed any kind of protecting or even any kind of help. She even still had a job apparently. Shes a brain surgeon.

So I started driving the conversation back at her to try to figure out what her game was.

"So Father, er... the tall and Slender Man is hunting you right? Hes stalking you? You are a runner?"

"Of course silly!" she says smiling bright. "Its why I called. I am a runner."

"But you don't seem to be... in any short of need. Does he not bother you much?" I asked

"Sure he bothers me sometimes, but I don't let it bother me!" she declared. I could feel my face drop in disbelief. I wasn't sure if she was being serious or if her answer was being colored by her inhuman amounts of optimism.

That was when I got a text from Navi. Its been explained in a few places but I don't know if I've explained it here. Navi is very blindish. She sees the world save for whatever Father wants her to see as entirely black. And when she is allowed to see people, they have colors. Colors she knows to be representative of a person's emotions. This is all important to know because I got a text from Navi explaining that April here didn't have any emotions. Her big smile was a big fake. And that such a complete lack of emotional response to anything could be indicative or a deep internalized issue or that April is a psychopath.

Not one to beat around the bush I confronted her with it.

"You don't have emotions?" I asked bluntly.

"Of course I do. Can't you see how big my smile is?"

"You look happy but you aren't," I insisted. With that her smile looked a bit strained but she refused to let it drop.

"You're so silly," she giggled.

It was pretty apparent she wasn't going to accept what I was telling her. Possibly some self denial there. So I decided to push back to our last topic. I noticed she has cuts and busies on her arms.

"You said Father isn't really bothering you right? Where did those come from?" I asked pointing them out.

"Oh! This wasn't your Father. It was one of his other followers," she said smiling bright again... creepy.

"A proxy then?"

"Yes!" she giggled. "We've been spending a lot of quality time, and I thought talking to his family might help!"

"Does he... need help? You just said he was hurting you," I questioned.

 "He's just lying to himself."  April said shaking her head, "No matter what I did I couldn't get him to smile!  I think he's hiding his feelings behind torture.  I didn't know what to do, so I called you!"

My face dropped again. At least this wasn't a complete waste of time. She did actually need some protection. Granted she doesn't seem to actually want it...

"I just want you to try and help your brother figure out what he really wants to do with his life!" she said cheerily and optimistically.

"... Sure. Just as long as that means he stops torturing you... we can do that," I said with a frustrated huff. I have no idea what we're actually gonna do but at this point I get the sense its a waste of time to try to argue about it with.

April smiled, looking actually happy for the first time since I've seen her. "Thanks for caring so much, Picasso.  You're super sweet."

He laughed and sighed a bit. "Yeah. Its whatever. I try to be I guess."

That's about when she let a bunch of other bomb shells drop. Like, this isn't her apartment. In fact I'm not even sure if she even knew the owner anymore. I know she somehow knew he was on a business trip of some sort, which was sketchy.

So we decided it would be best to just move her rather than risk her getting herself arrested staying in a stranger's house. So we looted the place and left. And now the three of us are sharing a single Motel room. So that's been awkward.

But besides that things have been normal. April, though wierd and creepy as shit, is nice and easy to get along with. Its just a matter of catching this proxy guy that's been bugging her now... which shouldn't be too hard I guess.

This job will be done in no time.

Picasso out.

An Awkward Break in Events

So. We met April. Shes nice. Suffice to say, shes not a psychotic runner looking to ambush Free Market Proxies... I was way fucking off on that... seems silly in hindsight. I guess I may have just been a little bit blood thirsty when I set out... just a little disappointed.

I'll get more into that later I guess.

What important is I met April. I'm probably gonna put up a post about her soon. Shes cool... kind of.

In the meantime, I wanted to put this up to let Moth and the other's know I'm on my way to his shattering. I wanted to put it here so I don't have to explain when I left April alone in Navi's care later in case something happens. I did it now. Like right fucking now. As soon as I finish writing this I'm gone.

So if you see this, see you soon Navi. See you soon too April. I won't be long. I probably explain this before I left. Everyone else attending and reading this for some weird and incredibly fucking rude reason, I'll be there in a minute!

Hold your fucking horses assholes!

PaKaSo out!

Bringing Down the Hammer

Laying down the law. Noise, but with authority! Hehe. God I miss Gavel... he had the best one liners. I don't miss Judge, Jury, or Executioner. Those guys were fucking assholes.

Guess I shouldn't have bothered saving his ass. He died just like them all the same...



Hi! I guess? Maybe less enthusiasm. Hi. So I got a big update for you assholes... who ever you are. Who reads this shit? Navi? Hi Navi. Lots of shit you already know for tonight's post. As I explained last post, I'm black mailing an old friend who refuses to talk to me like a spineless asshole in an effort to get orders so I can resume doing proxy work.

It is the family trade after all. For Navi too! She's apparently a third generation proxy. I had no idea any of us live long enough to have kids. Then again, I suppose there are still proxy bureaucrats hiding behind their fancy desks like Sloth and Devil. Get to work you lazy sacks of shit!

So I've been hard at work trying to get the right assignment. I want to restart proxy work on the right foot with a big fucking bang! And now I have just the job to do it. A lot of what my 'Old Friend' had to offer was observation work, supply runs, quick opportunistic hits against rival fear cult members, abductions, and other weak but necessary shit. And that's when we got the E-Mail.

A request for protection from a runner. The only information they provided as a single sentence asking for help against other proxies, their name (April), and their address.

No phone number, no blog account, no personal information, no description of their dire situation. Nothing! Very few runners turn to the Free Market for help despite our generous offer to help those being threatened by fear related entities that aren't Father. I personally blame the couriers for that. To much hope makes dying men prideful. And prideful souls would probably rather die.

Whatever the cause, requests like these are rare so when we get them in they are rarely so brief. Usually they have quite the sob story attached. Desperation does have a way of making people talkative after all. So this request is an oddities even among oddities.

Now, I bet by now you're asking yourself, 'Why the fuck is she explaining all this? Does any of this even fucking matter?'

The answer to that is 'Shut the fuck up before I rip off and sodomize you with your own fucking hand you stupid piece of shit. Then we'll see what matters won't we?!'

Dumbass. It's simple. The request is so short because its a fake request. Someone wants to lure proxies into a trap using the Free Market's selfless generosity as fucking bait! Shameless runners stabbing the hand that seeks to shield them! Un-Fucking-Forgivable! And prefect... for me. Hunting down some ultra aggressive runner shit stains is exactly the kind of bang I want to restart my proxy work to!

We'll cut down those sick sons of bitches... just like Moriarty's goons cut down Gavel for being sympathetic. Because somethings gonna change if I have to kill each and every last one of you to make it happen!

To Atlanta!

Pa Ka So Out!

Night Breezes Seem

Well, I like being left in a box in the corner alone to die with my pet schizophrenic ginger toy thing as much as the next girl but you can only taunt Navi so long before it starts to loose it's charm and without Moth around to mix things up I feel like I could just die of boredom.

But then it occurred to me just how stupid that was. Why should I die of my boredom? Everyone else should die of my boredom. Its their fault for not entertaining me!

So using Navi as a human battering ram, if you can call her human, I broke out of my box and I broke out of the corner and then I broke the fuck out of my room for glorious freedom! Metaphorically speaking at least... wasn't actually locked up anywhere. Just really fucking bored.

I did actually use Navi as a battering ram to open my door though. That happened.

After that I went to visit an old friend. One of the ones I mentioned in the last post. You know, one of those assholes who refuse to spend any time with me or look me in the eye? Yeah, one of those fuckers. To protect the innocent, I will not use their name here. Although those of you who are clever will probably be able to figure it out. Infact, I'm not even gonna explain their half of the dialogue just to be safe. This will just be my half of the conversation!

Super secret keeper PaKaSo for the win!

So I approached my old friend the way I always do... or did, back in the day. With chloroform!

"Hey [Name]. Does this smell like chloroform to you?" I asked putting a rag to their face. They never got back to me on that one but my guess is no. Chloroform is odorless. So they passed out after a moment and I dragged them into their room. Navi stood their being confused, which is pretty typical of her. She followed the unconscious body as I dragged it into the room all the same. Great survival instincts. Definitely... could not go bad on her. I'd try to explain to her why some of the things she does is incredibly dumb but she can't see or hear me. And if she could, this wouldn't be an issue. Kind of a catch twenty two.

Anyways.

So I tied my old friend to a chair and took a seat of my own and waited for the fucker to wake up. I had also fashioned a brace to their neck and shoulders so they couldn't look away from me. I'm tired of these assholes avoiding eye contact. Your will look at me!

In fact, when they woke up I think I explained that in a monologue... that's a bad habit. I'm gonna have to watch that.

I won't bore you with an explanation of my explaining that to him in diologue quotes. That'd be silly. I already explained it or something... this explanation also seems redundant. God, I'm really ranty and shit. Bad habit. I'm gonna have to watch that.

So like I said, I explained the neck brace thing.

Then I got out of my chair and leaned over their face and started yelling.

"So what the fuck?!"

"Don't you what the fuck my what the fuck to me! You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND"

"Yeah? Then why the fuck have you been avoiding me? Huh. That sound friendly?" I bashed their head against their desk. "Should we make this kind of thing our standard?!"

They got all frantic and shit. Pure panic. I wasn't dealing with a friend anymore. I was dealing with an animal I had backed into a corner. A filthy animal that didn't want to talk to or deal with me. THAT COULDN'T FUCKING STAND TO LOOK AT ME.

"Fuck it." And I cut them free. The asshole toppled over it's desk to get away from me. Classy as shit.

"No! We're not done. I'm tired of sitting in this base doing nothing."

"Fuck that. I don't care what Fracture wants. If he cared, he'd be here. Hes as bad as you and he'll deserve his death when I get around to him."

I buried my sword into their desk. "Would you calm the fuck down?! I'm not here to kill you. But from now on, you're gonna be my handler. And you will give me real assignments. Not baby crap. Or my next visit be to kill you. You hear me?!"

"Good. I assume you already have my number?"

"Glad to see you haven't lost it," I said taking my sword and heading for the door. "Oh and we should get a drink some time and catch up. I've missed our little talks," I said with a bright grin, before slipping out the door pulling Navi out with me.

That fucker. Never called for us to go get a drink... but they did send me an assignment.

So... guess who's back in business? That's right, ME! PaKaSo. And guess what? Its time to mess up some faces. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

PaKaSo out.