Thursday, January 22, 2015

Slicer is out of the Closet

For now. Picasso here by the way.

Here to reiterate a few things real quick. As Navi expressed for me at great length in her last post, I did not leave April unattended for any amount of time! That didn't happen. She may have sounded incredibly disingenuous by her word choice but I can assure you all right now... shes been dealt with.

As a complete aside I also did not tackle Navi to the ground and leave her covered in a fresh coat of bruises. That didn't happen... just putting that out there.

Shifting gracefully back over to the title topic, Slicer is out of the closet. After much badgering from April, who seems convinced we're the most qualified to help him as fellow proxies, we let him out of the closet to join us in a friendly little card game to see if he could behave himself. I don't trust the piece of shit though, so we left him tied up. I didn't like the way the asshole was looking at me and Navi was being super awkward around him so we blindfolded him too! He should be lucky he never got re-gagged with the way he kept running his fucking mouth.

Naturally I won our run of poker, because I'm awesome! Slicer seems to think I was cheating but you can't really cheat at cards. All luck and skill. And my greatest skill is my incredible luck! How do I know I'm so lucky? Because I was blessed with these incredible fucking skills! No arguing with that logic.

I was in good spirits when everything was done so I decided not to throw slicer back into the closet. I did shove his ass under the bed where I wouldn't have to look at this moping though.

"Told you this wouldn't work out," I told April. Clearly this was not helping Slicer with... whatever the fuck I'm supposed to be helping him with? Happiness I guess. Everything said and done, we'd just kind of succeeded at pissing him off.

"What are you taking about?" she laughed. "You guys are getting along fabulously. You're thick as thieves!"

"You're delusional!"

"I don't think I'm the delusional on here," she insisted.

"If you're not, then its because you're so delusional its enough for both of us!"

And we laughed.... pretty sure she is the delusional one. I mean, just today she also insisted she had a husband. When I asked her where he was she explained he was a Russian spy working as an ambassador to the united states and never visited because it'd blow his cover. Sound really fucking delusional to me!

But hey, if she wants me to quietly and politely torture Slicer with fixed games of cards, constant embarrassment and harassment, bondage, and my brilliant fucking witty banter so be it~!

I'll be happy to let the smug sack of shit have it.

Picasso out.

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